Heinrik Hiramatsu;6:46pm

today beat me. pure and simple.

all i’d like to have is one second of peace and quiet, maybe stick my face in the folds of a good solid book, drink a stiff glass of whiskey, and smoke a series of cigarettes. with absolutley nothing to do except jump into the story that’s in front of me. no one to deal with. no one to talk to. just me and the people in the book breathing our own little universe. i would love that very much.

this maneuvering around proper channels, this talking a certain way to people who need to be talked to in a certain way, this forcing myself to be patient because people are too slow and stupid to know what to do. god damn, i’m getting angry right now. i’m venturing into the name calling zone. gotta pull myself back real quick. doesnt’ serve a purpose other than making me feel superior.

in exchange for my services for this benefit dinner, we arranged a full page ad in the program, our logo on the advertisments, and a performance at the VIP reception. they actually got the sweet end of that deal because we aren’t cheap and they got us for a tenth of our asking price. what i’m doing that night alone costs a couple grand. add the fact that we’re even helping in the preproduction, they got us dirt cheap. but we decided it would behoove us to do it this way because we can enter a market untapped by us. move away from the middle class stuggling to look richer than they really are, and hit up the actual affluent who pay to show off. i would love to take these politicians money in exchange for throwing a pretty party. i wouldn’t feel bad about that at all. plus, open bar all night long. shit, bro, that’s cool with me.

but we got to basically do this for free to get in there. when they see this three pronged attack of cookie, bill, and me, three young, attractive, well informed and charming entrepenuers, they’ll be throwing money at us just to hang out with them. fucking weird ass upper class pilipino culture. these are the newscaster, celebrities, and politicians of my fucking community. they make my ass sick the way they try to out slick each other. the way they try to barter and negotiate appearances and performances. it’s all fucking stupid, man. but fuck it. i can make money off of that.

i had no idea i had to play that game though. that’s why cookei and bill are there. they’re the ones that schmooze. they’re the ones that don’t mind talking in different voices and wearing the marvelous masks. there’s a reason why i’m not rich right now and that’s because i can’tkeep mymotherfucking mouth shut. which is why i’ve been having a couple of meetings with the benefit dinner people just on how to talk to some of these awardees and performers.

they’re telling me horror stories of past benefit dinners. how some of these people are real divas and real assholes and how they’re all about the exposure for themselves. which is what i guess this dinner is all about, but man, it can be so much more. and i guess they are trying to do something fro thecommunity, but it just seems like it’s tertiary compared to the community as a whole.

i get it though. it’s quite complicated in the non-profit world. it’s quitecomplicated in the civics world. it’s quite complicated in the media world. and putting all of them together, well, that’s a hell of a world to navigate through.

but now they’re telling me i got to be nice. have a smile on. shake hands with people i probablywouldn’t like, like the fucking basco brothers who only fame in the community is that they’re related to the “urban” pilipino dude from hook and that antonio banderas social dancing movie. i’ll even say it online. fuck the basco brothers. what’d they do for my community to be put on a spotlight other than calling themselves the fucking basco brothers?

tonight i got to drive all the way to ryan’s warehouse in torrance so i can come upwith a half page add for the program for the dinner. even though we were promised a full page add, peter said he couldn’t do it. this is why i need cookie to e-mail confirm everything when dealing with someone like him. i don’t even know what he’s doing with the flowers we made. we’re not getting credit or compensation, i’m sure of it. we’re startign to get dicked. at least it’s getting cookie mad enough to start filling in the holes.

this politicking even before this dinner is getting to me. plus the kids i work with have a talent show this weekend so i’m fucking with that. and i got meetings for small business shit dotted all along april. plus the weekends are shot until the end of summer because of these ballroom dance lessons. the studio is picking up. i don’t even know how i’m gonna fit in the recycling non-profit-making-research-fucking-shit and the business plan for the adult residential facility and the tiger lilly weekly saturday blast.

right now, i’m so not the man to do all fo this shit. if i don’t figure out how to juggle everything, tiemeverything, organize everything, every single thing i’ve been working at for the past two fucking years will go down the drain.

today, tuesday, kicked my fucking ass. that’s why i like mondays better.

cheers.