Now God;6:11am

hey God. what’s up? this is edren t. sumagaysay. you know, the one you don’t really know what to do about. which is even weirder coz, you know, you’re God and stuff. just kidding. you probably got some sort of plan for me, right? something big i hope. because all this stuff i’m doing has to make sense somehow right? right?

i just got back from trying to break into a library down the street with the local street gang who happen to be 14 years younger than me. but you already knew that. hmm. it’s kind of werid having a conversation with you since you already know what i’m going to say. but i guess this is more for me to say these things out loud to the only one i know will actually, truly, definitively, listen. will sit there and really listen. while i go off on a bunch of me me me stuff. that’s cool. you’re cool. thanks, man. really, thanks for listening. and thanks for not getting me arrested or killed tonight. i know i was behaving like a maniac.

but i’m really not sure what i’m doing. i mean, all these business things i’m trying to do, all these normal things i’m trying to do, all these things that are grains of sand in the grand scheme of things, i wonder if it’s making any kind of difference. i mean, yeah, it matters for my life, but i’m talking about the universe type stuff. me, paying rent, how does that equate to me getting into heaven? i don’t know. i know it’s not about scoring points and that i should just do these things because of the necessity, but i really wonder what i’m supposed to be doing, if this is the right course of action. i wonder if this is what you want me to do.

i wonder why my life has turned out the way it has. and i’m not complaining. i’ve come to terms with all the things that have happened in my life and am really trying to turn it around. and i know all those evil things happened to me because it was lessons to make me stronger, tests to challenge me, to become the dude i am right now. but i wonder what the bigger purpose is. like am i supposed to be doing these normal things? i wonder if i was supposed to die already. maybe that would’ve made a bigger impact. and i’m not being melodramtic or anything, really, i wonder what would serve the greater good for all the people i love. the success or failure of me. seriously. i say that as objectively as possible. don’t know if i’m the right man for this job.

you got anything big guy? you got a confirmation for me? shooting star? knock on the window? eclipse? divine appearance before me? any kind of sign, big guy?

figured as much. i got to see the signs myself. i gotta do this because it just seems like it’s the right thing to do. got to keep on going and just trust in myself and trust in you that we’re headed in the right direction.

i’m just not too sure i’ve got what it takes to do this.

thanks for believing in me, though. you have no idea how much that means to me. well, actually you do, coz again, you’re God.

i’ll talk to you soon. sure as heck gonna need to.