Holly;3:01am

hey, friend, i totally apologize for the drunk e-mail. i was in a funky state and i was drinking and i was stoned out of my mind, my roomie came back and blazed the shit out of me, and, well, i ended up e-mailing you a disjointed letter that might have made you feel uncomfortable. so i profusely apologize. a thousand times. please forgive me.

but it’s all true. just not as jumbled and forward. i do love you. and i am right beside you. in anything you decide to do. in whatever capacity you need me to be. i’m your friend. it’s what i do. and you’re wrong. it is my job. it’s what i’m supposed to do. it was in the packet they gave me when i was hired. it was in the manual given to me on my first day of work. it’s written in the union by-laws. and besides, i do it because i want to. and it makes me happy seeing that occassional dimple apear on the side of your mouth when you try not to smile.

remember one of the first walks we had? at verdugo park? it was cold as shit. and significant people in your life turned out to be not so significant. and you were realzing a few things about interpersonal relationships. and how sometimes the uneveness of it often times proves the fragile nature of such glass friendships. and how it made you feel so very confused.

and we took an hour long walk through the trees and onto the sidewalks and across the bridge, surprisingly, we opened up to each other in a way that two people who barely knew each other should. there was a reason for it. two of the most closed in individuals on the face of the planet became completely honest in front of each other because of the simple fact, we felt safe around each other. we trusted each other. we didn’t know jack shit about each other but on both sides of the bridge, we decided to give to the other person respect to share our hearts and hoped they wouldn’t take advantage of it.

and we didn’t.

although it would take us months to say out loud how safe and secure and comfortable and vulnerable we could be in each others presence, we knew it that night at verdugo park.

i tell you, miss holly, God put us in front of each other. for what reason, i still don’t know. but i do know that we are becoming warmer people because the proof of and evenly distributed mutual give and take is happening between us. and when you receive as much as you give, that’ll keep a motherfucker going for a million years.

i’m gonna miss you when you leave.