Heinrik Hiramatsu;7:43am

wazzup.

i took the day off yesterday. and it was fucking awesome. let me tell you, if science were to really get down to the essence of human beings, particularly this one who is tappity tap tapping on this cracked out ten key, coz i stole it a long time ago, science would easily come to the conclusion that we are base creatures of simple pleasures. we are all friggin’ children, wantonly amazed at every single thing on this friggin’ planet. if science were to ever meet theoretical pysychology, we are exactly what they would come up with.

see, this is how i friggin’ see it. and i’m saying friggin’ a lot nowadays becasue for the past two months we were working with christian kids who prayed before every practice and after every practice. the fact that i smoked cigarettes off church site meant i was still going to hell, which, literally made them sad and pray even more, because they genuinely liked my soul and were conflicted as to why someone as awesome as me would go to hell. little do they know i’m half the devil.

but this is how i see it. by the way, just a question. is it proper grammar or whatevAr to start a paragraph with a sentence that actually is the topic of the next paragraph? because i do that a lot, but only as a device for abrstract flow in time with logical rhythm. i wonder was strunk and white would say. ah well. although they are the literal refrence on how to write, i shouldn’t take it personally if i get an F on this letter.

but this is how i see it.

intrinsically we are all children. forever. but with the concept of time/space surrounding us, millions of interactions a second, between things as small and unseen as particles to things as large and obvious as the sun, and every thing in between, and i mean everything in between, and how, as children, we absorb information and how to execute to the benefit of the survival of the individual, we discover the safest thing for us to do, as time/space moves, and with it, the relations of all things, is to adjust. and adjusting, at least in this sense, this sense being 2008, human beings, living in america, digesting processed foods, pumping 4 dollar a gallon gas in our cars, carrying hand sanitizers, lotion, eye drops, contact solution, sun block, hair shit, cologne and perfume, adjusting is exactly that. layering, caking on all kinds of protection so as that little kid we essentially are, will not suffer as a victim of our universal shared consequence. sad really, that we designed this whole social strucure from a percentage of what we understand the universal matrix to look like, but because we are missing a shitload of formula, of code, of blueprint, kind of like pa piece of the rosetta stone, we live in an utterly fallable world, and thus, we create protective versions of ourselves. and oft times, as time/space moves, we lose our true selves in the process.

i remember for a very long time i never wanted to forget that. peter pan, cookie would call me, because i never wanted to grow up. but i don’t think it was about a refusal to change it was more for a holding on to the trueness of what i saw life to be. again, another layer of protection for me. ad infinitum.

but yesterday, oh fuck yeah yesterday, i had a friggin’ awesome time!

friday was the actual debutante ball for the christian kids we’ve been working with for the past three months. it was an okay shindig. a lot of praying. and that’s cool, but when i’m dressed up like that, i want to get drunk and eventually fuck a future mrs. sumagaysay. but i couldn’t. so i didn’t. and that was fine. either i’m getting old, or i’m layering. or maybe not. there’s a lot to discover still.

so saturday came and i woke up at 8am. my mind and body were ready to do whatever i needed to do that day. i picked up my phone, checked the calendar and saw absolutely nothing lined up. i went to my e-mail to see which e-mails were flagged so i could resond and continue this exponential growth of my empire, but found nothing. i walked into the kitchen to check on the dry erase board to see what chores needed to be done. everything was erased, finished the day before.

i stood there for a minute, 8:12am, wondering what the fuck i was going to do. then i realized, i could do anything i want. everything i want. i could sit there and watch TV all day long eating potato chips and drinking water to comensate. i could go to my room and visit the saved porn sites that are probably fuciking up my computer as we speak, and jack the frigg’ off until hercules falls off. i could turn on the radio, dance on all the furniture until i broke something or i got tired. i could play video games! i could watch cartoons! i could draw! i could read a friggin’ book! i could sit there in the middle of the living room, cross my legs, drink some milk, take a deep breathe and smile with my eyes.

that feeling of a child on saturday morning came back. i felt 100 pounds lighter from the tip of my head to the bottom of my toes. i swear i could taste the flavor of oxygen. and it tasted like vanilla ice cream.

i had a day off!

you know what i did? i picked up my guitar, dusted him off, went to the internet, looked for jack johnson’s better together, and learned how to play it. all day long. smoking cigarettes. drinking tea. water. coffee. in my pajamas. with my hair all mussed up. one sock on my foot. a t-shirt that is so old it’s see-through. to give my fingers a rest, in between mad sessions to learn this song in one day, i went to youtube and watched all three seasons of gargoyles. i especially enjoyed the episode where old hudson fends off demona for the entire night, proving that with age comes patience. man, oh man, it was de-lovely to be a kid again!

here’s the conclusion. now it makes sense. all of it. everything i’m doing. everything we do. everything all humans do. it’s sad to think we might’ve lost our childhood feelings, our youthful glow that resonates inside of us deep down to our very core. and before, i thought we all lost it once we realized that the world is a very ugly-ly designed place, but a place where we had to live out the rest of our days. but now, i figured it out. it’s not that we lost it. i think we do all these things, why we work god awful hours, why we put so much pressure and stress on our bodies, why we tolerate so much on a daily basis, why it’s alright to grind day in and day out with no end in sight, because, i think, deep down inside, unconciously, we all believe that whatever path we are on in life, we are chasing that child that is us.

at least that’s what i want to believe. i have no scientifi cdata to back it up, but ya know what? if i need to trick myself into believing that just so i can go on another day, i will. because the only other alternative is to quit. and to lose. and i’m just too damned egotistical to let that happen. besides, it’s prettier this way. even in all of it’s ugliness.

i had one beautiful, lovely, awesome day off. it could quite possibly give me enough energy to go on for another two years. see the science bhind it? exactly like hydrogen and helium, but inside the human body. it makes perfect sense. i love this shit.

now i got to get back to work. driving to northridge to land an event planning gig.

cheers.