Edren T. Sumagaysay;8:39am

you’re an idiot. you shouldn’t have been such an idiot about it. that’s why you’re dumb ass is hurting. because you let it happen to you. again. because of stupid ass “signs” and ridiculous faith in something you’ve always known was just a dream, but kept on charging after it, chasing it, thinking that if you found it, you’d be able to prove everyone wrong. why do you do that? why do you like to get so close? you know it’s just a bunch of pain when you get there. all because you think something beautiful exists in this world where there is no longer room for such drivel.

here’s my advise, buddy. this shit will be consuming you for a while. it’s enough to drive you to yet another bout with depression. inactivity. a beard. three packs a day. forties at night. passive agressive fights. knocked out teeth. it’s enough to drive you back to the starting place.

that won’t do, kiddo. that won’t do at all.

face facts. just friends should be tattooed all over the rest of your body to remind you. fuck your feelings. your feelings are irrelevent. to her, it was one drunken night she’d sooner forget. but she was free to do that. because she obviously doesn’t have you in her thoughts nor in her heart. at least, in the way you fight yourself from feeling every single day. again, you’re irrelevent in the situation. she is single. doesn’t love you. period. man up, buttercup. THIS is a sign. use it as fuel to get where you need to go.

you got too many things lined up, like dominoes, to stop now. you’ve got to finish this game you started two years ago, without hesitation, without pause, without missing a beat, because if you stop now, you’ve lost more than just a big chunk of your heart. you also end up losing the past two years, the rest of your life, and the rest of your unborn childrens lives. you’re doing this to raise intelligent children who will continue to fight after you’re dead. you’re doing this to find the one woman on the face of the planet who can fight with you. you’re doing this to show the world there is several other ways of beyond surviving, that there is fruition in utilizing business, economics, and law to our communities advantage, to bring humanity to a point it has never been before. you’re doing this to design a team of people, a family, that can defeat anything, evolve into something more, and basically, change the miggin’ friggin’ world.

you need to focus, keep your eyes on the prize. keep chugging along. dig deep into the ground with each foot fall. ignore the pain. you knew everything was going to hurt by now. i thought i trained you better than this. shit, i hope so. because if you can’t take this, imagine how you’d feel in about two more years. when shit would’ve really been on the line.

well, if anything, this gives you permission to go fucking crazy. you haven’t touched female ass in around six months because you couldn’t imagine yourself with anyone else. and your dumb ass was “just friends”. unrequited idiot. you know those cold steel feelings on the tips of your fingers? that’s physical reminders that you’re stupid. you should totally use that to your advantage.

it’s energy to use. it’s fuel. it’s the combustion you need to increase speed and power. it’s the switch, suckah. drop down to 2 and accelerate, grip the wheel so tight you might crush your own fingers, and look further on the horizon than you ever have. keep them ideas coming. keep developing them systems. make the lists, contact the vendors, keep cookie and bill happy, get ready for saturday, get ready for the new job, upward mobility ahd shit, register, trademark, market, encourage these people to write, network with the people you’ve set your sites on, learn more, retain more, improve more, become bigger and badder than you already are. because, gangster, if you stop right now, if you stall, pause, of even go in reverse, you go back to the beginning.

it’s your own fault. you didn’t know how to control yourself. your ego made you think you were different. your stupid heart made you believe in miracles again. and that’s why you’re in pain. because of you and only you.

take some time off then, brother. keep doing what you need to do, but go ahead and go home, put some jogging pants on, jog the fuck this out. do some push ups. be by yourself. talk to no one except the people who can help this thing move along. no distractions. it should’ve been that way all along. stop believing in beautiful things and miracles. start making your own.

it’s cool, man. shit happens. you can’t plan for these things. you can’t control these things, ya know, love shit. but you can control how you act and react, and if you do it accordingly, you evolve into a bigger, badder, and better person because of it.

you can do it, dude. one step at a time.