God;1:01am

hey, buddy. you just made things pretty interesting for me. and here i thought my hard stuff was done. i thought once april was over, all the set up would be done, and then it would be smooth sailing for me. just grind it out.  do push ups, sit ups, keep ups, and i’d be home free come 2009.

you sneaky God, you. here you go laying me off. good one, God. good one.

you know, cookie, right? of course you do. you’re God. you created her. you put her in my life 18 years ago. you forced us to be best friends and business partners. you know what she told me a week ago? she told me this. i’m gonna use quotations and a new paragraph for dramatic effect.

“you know what i think? i think God puts these tests in front of us to see how much we can handle. to have us dig down deep and find those things inside of us we didn’t know we had. to pass those difficlut tests. to make us stronger. if we pass, he gives us harder ones. and then harder. and even harder. just to see how much we can actually handle and in the process, we discover what kinds of people we really are. and if we can’t or won’t or don’t pass these tests he puts in front of us, then he knows when to stop testing us. and leaves us be in whatever mediocre state we end up in. but the good people, the people who do not and will not stop, the people who are constantly challenged and find ways to pass his tests, these are the people who can change the world. for the better. for his will. for what he sees us doing for ourselves. and that’s why these things happen to us. it’s tests for us to pass to allow us the opportunity to become who he knows we can become. we just have to have enough strength, enough courage, and enough endurance to keep on going. that’s what i think anyway. well, i should get home. see you tomorrow.”

and you know what? i think she’s right. of course we’ll never know because you ain’t gonna tell me straight up, and even if you did, i don’t think my pea brain could handle the sound fo your voice, even if you transformed into a human for a couple of minutes just to tell me. but i think she got it right.

and that’s the reason why i’m not really sweating it. the whole paying off thing. the whole holly thing. the whole fake marraige to anna lisa kristina thing. the whole of the whole everything with everything. this is a test. and it’s entirely up to me to find what’s inside of me to get through it.

you’re good, God. you’re friggin’ good.

let’s see how i do, shall we?