Earl Baylon;2:13am

yup. i tested your nerd IQ. comic books. dungeons and dragons. video games. toys. anime. star trek. star wars. check, check, check, check, check, check, and check. you passed with flying colors, my friend. you knew what ganked meant. you knew the origin of pwned. you knew how to say ‘i love you’ in klingon. you knew who the third green golbin was. you knew larry elmore for christs’ sake. you knew acronyms that only a nerd of the 60th level would know. these tests, my friend, was the metaphorical secret handshake of the Lords of the True Nerd Subculture. not that shit we see on two hour movies attempting to encapsulate generations of stories, or what asshole peckerhead tourists claim to know because of fucking cartoon network and you-fucking-tube, or what any superficial novice would know by visiting the first link on a google search. you knew because of decades of bookstores, comic shops, little tokyo treks, game and hobby stores, and hours upon hours of reading thousands upon thousands of reference books and viral video tapes passed from friend to friend in jansport backpacks. shit, you probably still have fist of the north star on beta. i know i do. you know what the fuck i mean when i say polyhedral dice and THAC0. (see? i used the number zero instead of the letter o. you know what the fuck that means!) you know that the combination of funyuns and beef bowl gives a +1 to your late night gaming constitution. i even tested you on the AC bonus of a DEX of 17. wtf? i thought only GMs knew that! you, my friend, earl “the pearl” baylon, are true. ka plagh, homie. ka plagh…

btw, i hate cospalyers and larpers. so weird…

you don’t want them kinds of ladies that would raise an eyebrow to this type of lifestyle. they don’t understand the amount of intelligence required to see the connection between fantasy/sci fi and real life. they wouldn’t be able to fathom the depth necessary one needs to reach to even come within centimeters of grasping this kind of understanding and appreciation. fuck them fuckers. they’re too stupid for you. linear thinking retards, i say. and i say loudly with an olde english accent, weilding my wyrmslayer +3! (yas know, i’ve always wanted a vorpal sword, but even in krynn, we had to use a version of DKP and i never won the roll. >< i always wanted to get a high enough percentile to actually cut off someones head.) fuck them! stupid fucks!

see, the way i see it, we were gifted with the ability of parallel vision. meaning, if this was a mutant power, or even a radiation-given power, or a ooze mutagen-given power, or a power bestowed upon us by some benevolent norse goddes named, sif, or if this was a power attained training day in day out on the top of the celestial shoalin temple, we are able to see multiple universes, side by side, happening all at the same time, and understand how they all realte and interact with one another, essentially, to expand the vison into the M. see what i’m doing? i’m testing your nerdness once again by incorporating the theory of possibility. do you get it? do you know what i’m saying? one of us! one of us! one of us! one of us! one of us! ONE OF US!

this gift you have acquired, either by birthright or through dilligent pursuit, allows you to write that much better than the humans we are sworn to protect against the tyranny of evil men. (or by the ego of good men, depending on what your alignment is. personally, i always liked playing CG, but the closest thing to my natural alignment is NG. go figure. or if you played palladium games, scrupulous. this is another test! sorry, but i got to make sure you are truly for the brotherhood.) and when i say write, i mean just that. write.

i was so excited when you began writing your novel because the first two chapters (hehe. the only chapters.) was something i could really get into. it threw me back into a time when i would spend hours in the back of waldenbooks in panorama city, reading comics, DnD sourcebooks, graphic novels (remember Elfquest? they should make a movie about that shit!), and fantasy/sci fi novels.  your story reminded me of a time when ANY-fucking-THING was possible, because it WAS possible.

then i got sad because you stopped writing it…

well, earl “orc” baylon, i’m glad you’re in the letters session. and i hope you write more. and i hope you write from what you know, because from what I know, it’s a place not too many people can write from. and i’m not just saying because you can scientifically prove how fire breathing works for dragons, but because you have the necessary skills and information to write about love from a multitude of perspectives and genres. that, in itself, is something a lot of writers do not have.

unfortunately, because of hollywoods dumb ass, the spider-man quote has been ruined for all every-men out there. but it applies here. “with great power comes great responsibility.” and as worn out and diluted as it may seem years after DVD sales of spider-man flew through the roof, it still rings true for every little kid who has read a spier-man comic.

write what you know. and how you know it. and you’re doing that, beastie. i just want to see more.

gj, earl.
stay leet.
/1 LFM writers from the brotherhood. pst.
/bow.
/wink
/bye

/gets on epic mount and rides off into the sunset. well, sunset only because the sun is turning into the moon on the map.